Elbowed In The Throat

On one of my last nights in Portland, I decided to hit up one of my favorite brew-pubs; Coalition Brewing.

While outside the building, indulging in another bad habit, the other guy out there sneezed and it made a notably lound and weird sound. He apologized for the volume and explained that it was because he had been playing basketball, was elbowed in the throat, and basically had his throat crushed. I was convinced he was telling the truth when he grabbed his adam's apple and moved it side-to-side, over the entire width of his throat.

He told me that after he was elbowed in the throat, he couldn't speak and had difficulty breathing. While in recovery at the hospital, he had to weigh an absence of health insurance against treatment options, and contacted a friend who had recovered from cancer with the aid of various traditional and alternative treatments.

The story went on, and included microscopic detail, but ultimately what made it interesting was this:

This guy was absolutely certain that using his fingers to apply pressure to various points on his own body allowed him to heal himself. He only went back to the doctor once, and the doctor didn't believe him that he had done it on his own.  The practice is known as acupressure.

Charlie Rock

En route to St. Paul, I stopped in Bozeman, Montana, to do some fly-fishing. The fishing was poor, so I went to a local bar/restaurant for dinner. I sat next to a guy with a cowboy hat at the bar and after I ordered some chow, I noticed the bill of this guy's cowboy hat in my peripheral vision a few times- he kept looking at me. When I looked back at him, there was a flash of recognition.

"Second week of September, last year, west side of the Gallatin, south of the bridge," I said.

"What?" he asked.

"Do you drive a white Ford? A diesel?" I asked.

"Yeah." He looked worried for a moment.

"In the second week of September last year, did you meet a guy who was fishing on the west side of the Gallatin river, just south of the bridge, who was from Minnesota and on his way to Oregon?" I asked again.

"It's a small world." he said.



The guy's name is Charlie Rock (prefers to be called CJ), and he is a professional fly-fishing guide. He operates out of The Tackle Shop in Ennis, Montana, and he's a good guy- gave me some fishing tips when I met him on the Gallatin in the fall of 11' for no reason besides wanted to help out. And the tips worked.

If you are looking for a fishing guide in Montana, contact The Tackle Shop at 406-682-4263 and tell them you want to have Charlie Rock take you fishing. He knows what he's doing.

Portland, Oregon, In Hindsight

The Good Stuff:

• Living, breathing neighborhoods
• Quick access to beautiful natural areas
• Best city parks I've ever seen
• The Oregon coast is unmatched
• Public transit is excellent
• Educated population
• It's easy to make friends - everyone is from somewhere else
• Amazing variety of high quality food
• Amazing variety of high quality beer

The Not-So-Good Stuff That Really Counts:

• Job market is shot and bleeding profusely
• Housing availability and price
• Cost of gasoline and everything else
• Dating is difficult at best
• Endless rain

Other Things of  Note:



The Weirdness?

Hipsters and the Keep Portland Weird mantra come to mind. I never quite understood this. If you perceive yourself as weird and go to a place where there are masses of people who you perceive to be like you, then you become normal upon arrival at that place. You were wearing the uniform before you joined, and you're no longer weird. I bring this up because it's clear that many of Portland's hipster "weirdos" never wanted to be able to blend in. I think they want to be weird amongst the weird. It's good to have goals.

Some of what I witnessed in Portland was a weirdness competition that I am certain was rooted in the sudden drop in attention after being surrounded by other, more weird people. How much can you stretch out your earlobes? How long are the braids in your beard? How many tattoos can you fit on your face? What hard drug do you use until you wake up in a strange place? What costume will you wear today as you walk downtown? Will you wear anything at all? Where were you when you scared the shit out of children with your appearance? How much coffeeeeeee did you drink today and was it organic, fair trade, cruelty free, and hugged daily before they stuck it and all its feelings in a grinder? Did you accept someone unconditionally despite the fact that they're obviously a douche? Weirdo.


The Weather?

When I was younger, I was a firefighter. I remember using the fixed deck-gun on top of a pumper truck to soak down a building that had collapsed into itself after being destroyed by a gas-fed fire. I wasn't the only guy on a deck-gun. There were other firefighters on other deck-guns nearby and also on the other side of the building. Thousands and thousands of gallons of water poured into that building until the wetness was wet. Portland is like the inside of that building, all day and all night, for 9-10 months of the year. The other 2-3 months are pretty great, for 5 days of the week. Yep. Awesome. Portland's weather reminds me of this Irish joke about rain: "It only rained twice this week- once for three days and once for four days."  Except it's not funny when you live in it, under it, and on it.


The Homeless Population?

Except to say that it is wholly sad, the homeless situation in Portland is beyond description.



Ultimately, I recommend a visit to Portland at the least. It will be an experience.